Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how does that bad decision feel?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
