his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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