Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
