your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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