This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
