There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize