Quick, to the slutcave!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
