Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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