They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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