Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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