Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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