I just cut my nipple shaving
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
