Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
