is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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