If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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