You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
