I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
