mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
