Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
