What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
