I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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