I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm both gender and math confused
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
