I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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