but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
