I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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