Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
