Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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