Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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