Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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