I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
