Quick, to the slutcave!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You pole danced in your parka.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
