Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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