Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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