he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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