I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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