wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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