We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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