It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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