we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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