i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
