it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Houston, we have a squirter
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
