Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
