Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
