i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
