Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
