sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
