Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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