Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
