So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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