piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize