someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
