did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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