My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize