dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
