Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
