just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
