mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
