shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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