I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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