If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
