Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize