I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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