Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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