She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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