Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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